Visions, enlightenment, awakening, seeing the light--in many traditions, the spiritual path is described with images of light. How has light, be it inner or outer, broken through the clouds to brighten your own journey?
I had an intense dream last night about being back with my girlfriend Debbie, who died of kidney disease in her late thirties. In the dream she was in her later stage of illness. And Betsy, her mother who died of lung disease years before was tending to us like we were the children she knew. Betsy took care of the house and I took care of Debbie. It was so good to see them both and spend some time with their spirits. Debbie was just as mischievous as ever. Demanding and generous at the same time. Her mother desperate to get her house in order. And me, enjoying the truth and honesty of being in their company. But… it was just a dream. Or was it?
Those two people were the only ones in the world that I spoke to about what I wanted in my future. And now, they are living in a new form, still carrying my dreams around with them. And the fact that Debbie’s ring, which I wore everyday of my adult life until recently, has gone into hiding must mean something. Not a time to let go, but a time to go forward perhaps. And I see us all in that dream as the three women, the three sisters perhaps, the past, present, and the future all rolled into one.
Some may think I’m crazy with all this logic, but everything means something and today especially I know I, we, are all on a timer. What can be done today for our future comes from the choices of the past. Even the simple act of changing sheets, like Betsy was doing in my dream. That task is not just for the future sleep in the sheets, it’s about living and moving forward in the moment. A necessary task for us to be the "I am that I am."
That is the most important statement in my universe. And traditionally it is dealt with in such a large, unfathomable way. But no, it’s not. It’s the details of living that all tie together. The three sisters; younger future, middle present, older past. But those are just names we have attached to them to understand time. But who is to say the younger is not the past or the middle?
I am that I am is the moment. And the moment encompasses everything. An understanding of light and dark and the necessity of it all. And what is the light? Well, whatever it is… seems to have generated lots of words and complexities that we can’t seem to see the forest for the trees. So let me add my two cents. To me the light is so simple that it can be brought into one word. An idea. A simple idea. A light bulb over the head of a cartoon character. The character is not real, but the idea of the character is real. And imagine what that could mean, bringing life to a character, an idea to bring life forward and see what happens? And that’s as simple as it gets.
Is light God? Or is light beyond God? What created the idea? Nothing and everything. It is the natural force that drives the universe. Laws that are created from habit of movement. And the light is a bewegung, movement and emotion. Emotion and movement. And that is what creates an idea. A movement of time and being.
How can we begin to understand the creation of idea if it comes from so many forests that we’ll never see the tree of individuality? Well, this tree sees an idea as the three sisters all combined together. Weaving the same tapestry. The same blood, the same place. They are the idea of life, the "I am." And I am the "that I am." And the light is a simple light bulb over the head of a cartoon character as she does her laundry in someone else’s dream.
Michèle Raper Rittenhouse, playwright
New York City